What does ‘being yourself’ really mean?

The idea of being yourself can feel elusive. It can sound like something that exists only in films or on inspirational posters boldly declaring:

JUST BE YOURSELF

For some people, the thought of being yourself feels anything but easy, it might even feel frightening.

“What if I show who I am and people don’t like me? What if they think I’m strange, too much, or not enough?”

But perhaps there’s a different, and far more compassionate, question to ask yourself:

What do I lose by not being myself?

The cost of wearing a mask

If every day you put on a mask to be accepted, to be the version of yourself you believe others want to see, have you ever stopped to consider what that takes from you?

Monitoring yourself constantly

Showing only the parts of you that you feel are “acceptable”

Keeping other parts hidden away

It’s exhausting.

It can also create a deep sense of anxiety. When your body is on high alert, trying to ensure your carefully curated mask doesn't slip, you might feel tense, worried, or convinced that a single misstep would expose you.

And when we only allow others to know the “false self” we’ve created, we may begin to believe a painful internal narrative:

“Nobody would like the real me.”

“I’m not worthy of their friendship.”

“I’m not good enough.”

Why self-acceptance matters

Accepting ourselves is often the first courageous step. When we truly know ourselves - our feelings, our needs, our quirks, our history - we can begin to let others know us too.

Therapy can offer the space to explore this. A space to slow down, notice what you feel, and understand your internal world rather than pushing feelings away. In counselling you can begin to notice what brings you joy, what makes you feel safe, and where you feel most seen and understood.

As a counsellor in Bath, I work with people in the local area, as well as online, to help them get to know themselves more deeply, so they can gradually allow others to meet their true, authentic selves. And in doing so, many people begin to experience something they’ve longed for:

Being accepted for who they genuinely are.