Ever felt like you’re too much? Or not enough?

Maybe this is a situation you recognise - you’re amongst friends, laughing loudly when a feeling of being too much starts to creep in. You respond by shutting down, being quieter, being smaller.

Or perhaps you’re with colleagues in a meeting at work, when you try to find your voice you begin to feel tears brimming and the well-known thoughts emerge, “I’m too emotional”. You push at your eyes with your tissue as if to force the tears back in.

Or maybe on the flip side of that you have felt that you’re not enough. Not successful enough, not outgoing enough, not fun enough.

Whichever might be true for you, the result is the same - an inner critical voice that can feel shaming.

This inner voice can sometimes be so loud, it feels as though we’re aware of it at all times. Aware of trying not to be what it says we are. We work hard to be different, to be less, to be what we believe others want us to be.

But what’s the consequence for us of working so hard not to be who people have told us is too much? What does it stop us from doing when we believe we’re not enough? Who does it stop us from being?

Next time you notice the inner voice which tells you you’re too much or not enough, ask yourself, where does the voice come from? Whose is it? Perhaps it sounds like yours, but in fact it’s a message you’ve picked up throughout your life, a message you’ve been given to change you, to quieten you, to make you less than. And maybe ask yourself whether there’s space for a new voice, a compassionate voice that simply says, you’re enough.

Working in therapy with a counsellor can help you to find that compassionate, positive inner voice and help you to understand where the critical voice comes from.

To find out more about my approach in counselling, click here.