Let’s Talk Therapy: what it is and what it definitely isn’t (Part 1)

Before we get into it, I’m going to start this with a disclaimer: the truths in this post might be quite universal, but I can’t speak for every counsellor or practice out there. I’m a humanistic integrative counsellor, and these truths refer more specifically to that way of working.

So this is part 1 of a non-exhaustive list of some well-known therapy myths and the truths behind them.

You lie down on a therapy couch

The myth: Okay, it makes sense to start with this one, because we all know the image: the client lies back on a reclining couch with their eyes closed and the therapist sits behind them taking notes.

Truth: No. Well, no and yes. In psychoanalytical therapy you might, but in humanistic and integrative therapy you’re more than likely going to find two chairs or sofas facing one another. No lying down and no therapist sitting behind you. The priority is on the client being comfortable and feeling safe.

Your therapist will make you cry

The myth: Your therapist will try to make you cry and if you don’t, you’re not doing it ‘right’.

Truth: No, your therapist will not try to make you cry. However, you might. And that’s okay. Because crying is a normal, human response, and if you want to cry or find yourself crying then there is no expectation for you to stop. However, your therapist will never try to make you cry, they’re your sessions after all. All the therapist hopes is that you can respond in whichever way you need.

Therapists just sit there in silence and nod

The myth: Your therapist sits there nodding along and doesn’t say anything, or says very little.

Truth: Yes, we might nod, yes we will sit and listen, but we don’t purposefully leave you sitting in silence. If we think you need the space to think and work out how you feel, we’ll be careful not to interrupt. But there are two people in every session, and our role is to help you hear your thoughts and dig a little deeper with you.

My therapist will diagnose me

The myth: Your therapist will diagnose you.

Truth: Therapists cannot diagnose you. We might talk with you about what you think is going on or about a diagnosis you’ve received, but we will never give you a label. It is not part of our role nor are we qualified to.

A therapist will tell you what to do with your life

The myth: Therapists know what to do and will tell you what decisions to make in your life.

Truth: As a humanistic counsellor, we believe you’re the expert of your lives. We cannot tell you what to do because becoming confident in your own decisions is crucial. And more than that, we don’t have the answers. We’re here to help you come to your own conclusions and make decisions that you might be struggling with.

Therapists sit taking notes

The myth: Therapists will sit and take notes throughout the session.

Truth: No, we won’t be making notes. Well, I certainly won’t. In the first session I will take some basic details from you, however beyond that, I’m there to listen, and to do that means I am fully present in the room with you. After the session has ended I will take some basic notes, as I am required to by my accrediting body, BACP.